The Perfect Vacation

Sometimes I wonder what it will take to make me happy. And sometimes I wonder if I'm completely nuts.

We (sweet David and I) are, in a few weeks, going to embark on a vacation of a lifetime. We're heading off to a place I have only dreamed of visiting and going with both family and friends to boot. The trip is already paid for, with the exception of a few incidentals such as a couple nights of hotel bills and dinners out, and for the most part, all the details are taken care of. We have fun side trips planned, plenty of relaxation time built in, the promise of fabulous food and entertainment, and beautiful scenery and photo ops await ... everything we could hope for.

So why aren't we more thrilled?

Hubby and I had this discussion last night after we returned home from a trip to WalMart to pick up an extra suitcase. Going over the "still left to do and buy" list, the two of us seemed anything but excited. You'd think we had just been assigned clean-up detail after a church picnic.

I can't help but think of friends and family who have talked about upcoming trips with complete excitement. They can't wait to shop for new clothes. They can hardly contain themselves thinking about the guilt-free reading time they'll have on the airplane. They look forward to eating out at every meal and spending their days shopping, visiting, exploring, and experiencing. They are already sad that they have to leave whereever it is they're going to come home and thinking about their next trip.

My problem is, I think, that I'm a homebody. And so is my hubby.

We LIKE to be home. We LIKE to putter around the house and sleep in on days off and just have lazy days of doing nothing. We LIKE having our dogs with us and the comfort of our own couches and meals prepared by us just the way we like them. Leaving all this behind creates anxiety for us. We worry (well, I do mostly.)  A lot.

Yes, I'm a worrywort. It was my mother's nickname for me when I was little. And I'm a perfectionist too. Not a great combination.

For instance, let's take the suitcase thing. I'm already worried that it won't be big enough and find the whole "what can we pack that will get through security at the airport thing" a pot of anxiety that is starting to boil. I am worried that I won't have enough clothes and upset (yes -- I'm actually upset) over the fact that they don't have irons in the cabins on the ship and that there isn't a laundry facility on board. So now I'm trying to figure out how I'll fit both time and money (and let's not forget space in the suitcase) into the next few days to go shopping and buy more clothes and wrinkle release spray that I hope will actually work.

And the one excursion that our whole group  is going to enjoy together is a Salmon Bake. Guess what? I don't like salmon. I've tried and tried but facts are facts. I'm not a fish-lover. At least not salmon. And I'm tired of hearing that when it's fresh out of the water it will taste different. I just don't believe it.

Probably the most dificult part of the whole trip thing for me (at the moment) is leaving the pups behind. I worry that they'll think we've abandoned them. I worry that something will happen to one of them and we'll be on the other side of the country and unable to be reached. I worry that they'll start to love Kim (who will be taking care of them) more than they love us. In short, I just know I'm going to miss them terribly and will feel guilty if I don't.

The funny thing is that it's not just me. My hubby is in the same boat. As much as we are excited about the trip, I think we'd cancel in a heartbeat if it weren't for the fact that there are others involved. And when I let myself think about that, that's when I start to wonder if I'm nuts.

I bring myself back from the edge telling myself that it's just pre-trip jitters (like cold feet before a wedding) and that once I get the suitcases packed, the dogs safely to Kim's , through security and settled on the plane, THEN the excitement and fun will start. I'm hoping.

Did I mention I won't have internet access for 12 days? I'm going to be completely unplugged. I just don't know if I'm ready for this!

While I don't intend to post a whole lot of negative rant-type posts on this blog, I'm doing this for a purpose. I'm planning to keep a journal of the trip -- just thoughts I jot down along the way -- and when it's all said and done, I want to look back on it all and see if the trip was worth the anxiety. I need to know one way or another whether I should plan a trip like this again in the future (hence this post and the worry confessions ... it's easy to forget that stuff once it's all said and done. Kind of like birthing a baby ....)

I need to know if future vacations should be day trips or weekend getaways ... but in the meantime, I have a LONG list of vacation prep to get to. After all -- I want to have a perfect vacation. I need a break from all this worrying!